Harry Potter one shots
by whitetyger123
Summary: Just a couple little one shots. Kinda random. Please R&R!
1. The Room

**The Room**

Disclaimer: Do I REALLY have to say it? Like, no duh I don't own H.P. If I did, I sure wouldn't be righting a little dinky story on fan fiction.

Ron put Harry in a room that was completely round. There were no corners. Even the ceiling was curved. Where this room was in the castle, I don't know. It was specifically made for this joke. Maybe it was in the room of requirement. But, the point is, it was there.

Harry looked around. 'Why am I here?'

'I want to confuse you. Okay, now, go sit in the corner.' Then, Ron closed the door. He laughed. 'Perrrrrrrrrfect.' Then Hermione looked at him weird.

'Have you been sniffing cat nip again?' Ron looked to the floor, ashamed. 'I told you, Mrs. Norris is a bad influence. You have to stop hanging out with her.'

About an hour later, Harry came up to Ron. 'I thought I told you to go sit in the corner.'

Harry looked blankly at his friend. 'I did.'


	2. The Siut of Armor

**The Suit of Armor**

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were skipping down the hallway. All of a sudden, Harry stopped. Ron and Hermione bumped into him.

'What is it?' Hermione asked.

'I just had a great idea! I'm gonna drop out of school!' Then, unexpectedly, the suit of armor next to him cut off Harry's head.

Ron looked at his best friends body. Then, he figure that wouldn't happen to him. 'I think I'll drop out too!' But, then the same thing happened.

Hermione thought for a minute, then said 'Well, then there's no reason for me to stay, so I'll drop out.' The suit of armor cut off her head too.

In the suit of armor

Snape smiled. That was one way of getting rid of dropouts.

A/N: I came up with this when I was looking at a newspaper, and it said 'Local Dropouts Cut in Half'. It was so funny, then I thought about this. Hope you liked it.


	3. April Fools!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter!**

**Ok, Fred and George were born on April the first, also known as April Fools. **

**I'm not kidding!**

'Arthur! I'm in labor!' Molly Weasly said on the morning of the first of April.

Arthur Weasly, her husband, went upstairs to get what was needed. He ran downstairs all out of breath, to see his wife cooking diner. She smiled and said, 'April fools!'

As you can imagine, he wasn't laughing.

An hour later, she screamed from the kitchen, 'I'm in labor!'

'Yeah, like I'm gonna fall for _that_ one again.'

'No, Arthur, I'm serious!'

'_You're_ not Sirius, _he's_ in jail!'


	4. Neville Longbottom and

**Neville Longbottom and the...**

**Disclaimer: I am obviously not J.K. Rowling. I am not richer the Queen, I am not English, and I am not an adult. If you think that I am, I might just report you to the people that will give you a nice white jacket, and put you in a nice padded cell.**

**(A/N) This is what the books would be titled if Voldemort had chosen to kill Neville instead of Harry.**

Neville Longbottom and the Time He Almost Did Something

Neville Longbottom and the Runaway Toad

Neville Longbottom and the Password Paper He Lost

Neville Longbottom and the Book That Told Dobby About the Gillyweed

Neville Longbottom and the Time He Felt Like He Helped Harry

Neville Longbottom and the Year When He Didn't Do Anything

Neville Longbottom and the Fight That He Didn't Have a Big Part In


	5. If Voldemort Won

**If Voldemort Won**

At first, he was content with ruling the wizarding world. He renamed Hogwarts Volwarts. Olivanders was Lord of Anders. The Night bus was the Dark bus. But, as you can guess, he wanted bigger and better things.

Soon, he had taken over the muggle world, too. McDonalds was changed to McVoldys. Dairy Queen was Dairy Lord. But, worst of all was Vold-Mart. At the loss of Wall-Mart, the muggles grew desperate.

They looked to a boy with glasses. His name used to be Harry, but Voldemort made everyone start they're names with a V, so his name was Varry. So, one Voldesday, Varry walked up to him in McVoldys, pointed his Lord of Anders wand at him, and said the magic words. I don't remember exactly what they were, me being a muggle and all, but he just fell. Poof. Just like that. Why Varry didn't just do that before Dairy Lord was made, I don't know. But, ever since then, we're not killed on the spot if we say McDonalds, or Wall-Mart.

By Vwhitetyger123


	6. Killing Poeple We Hate

**Killing the people we hate**

**Disclaimer: If you think we own Harry Potter, we will kill you too.**

**This is with me and a friend that doesn't have an account. Have fun reading, and don't call the police on us.**

Just another day at Hogwarts… until we stole Ron's wand.

Then, just to make everything even more fun, we kidnapped Harry.

Why would we take these two things, you ask? Because we had a plan.

We turned Harry into a rug! Of course, he still had all his nerves, so he could feel _everything_ (but couldn't die). First, we ran over him with a lawn mower. After he was delightedly disheveled, we threw him in a really dirty pool. He was so funky he looked like dirt.

To get him out, we stabbed him with a hook and dragged him out. With Ron's wand, we made it so that he wouldn't burn, but would still feel the pain, then we put him in a fire.

When he was nice and crispy, we put him in a meat grinder, so he was shredded into strands.

After that, we buried the rug, and turned him back to his old human, mortal self, so he could slowly be crushed to death.

To finish off our brilliant scheme, we told dear Ronald about this. But, for some reason, he couldn't find his new wand to kill himself with, so he had to use his broken wand. We had planned for this, and Hermione was standing in the perfect spot.

Ron's wand backfired, and killed Hermione instead!

Also, because of our super powers, this somehow made Ron immortal so he can't kill himself.

And, therefore, all the people we hate are dead!


End file.
